Still Processing

I have a follow-up ultrasound this afternoon and am having such mixed emotions about it all. I know I'm ok, I know it'll be ok, and yet I'm still processing my grief. I'm still sad, knowing I'm ok doesn't make the sadness go away.

This ultrasound is to just make sure everything looks clear and ok in there, make sure there doesn't appear to be anything retained in the uterus, putting me at risk for infection. Getting the 'all clear' will be a very bittersweet relief. I certainly don't want to risk infection, and I really don't want to end up with a D&C after all, but I would much rather see a 12 week baby wiggling about than an empty uterus. I know it's not to be, but it's what I'd rather see.

I'm still processing it all, still trying to regain my strength after losing quite a bit of blood, and still trying to return to our pre-vacation homeschooling schedule. This week, it's all about babysteps as it only took me 'till about Monday afternoon to realize that I wasn't going to be able to jump back in quite as fast I as was intending to...

All in good time.